Monday, October 18, 2010

Do you remember your first time?

Don't you love a first time? Okay, some are better than others (first heartbreak anyone? first labour pains anyone? first root canal anyone?), but today I got to enjoy a good one. My first ever Hot Stone massage. Ah.

I remember my first-ever massage very well. I was about 19 and in my first minutes as a cadet journalist. We'd received an invitation at Prevention magazine to take part in a yoga weekend at a nearby retreat. It's important to remember that yoga in 1988 was not Yoga in 2010. It was out of fashion and thought of as the last bastion of people who wore hemp sandals (which were also unfashionable). So I was volunteered to attend the workshop, which would be held by a lady of indeterminate age who claimed to sleep 45 minutes a night. To say that I was not excited would be an understatement.

The massage took place on the first day. I had no idea what to expect. I had no idea how naked I'd have to get. I asked a friendly lady by the pool whether it felt good and she looked at me as if I were nuts. "Afterwards it does," she said. All I could think was that it must be similar to banging one's head against a wall - bliss when it's over.

When I entered the massage room, I was surprised to find a male massage therapist. I wasn't sure how I felt about that. Now I know that you're generally told beforehand and given a choice. But I was only 19.

He told me to take off as many clothes as I felt comfortable with and, once done, to get under the towel. I was in an agony of indecision - bra on or off? Underpants on or off? I didn't want to look uncool in this hippie haven. I stripped off and hopped up on the bench.

The massage got underway. He was a chatter, which surprised me. I thought massage therapists were the strong, silent type. I could hardly hear the whale music for his small talk. He massaged away for a while and then flipped me over. The following conversation then occurred:

"Shall I massage your breasts?"


"Most ladies don't mind. One does hold a lot of tension in the chest."

"Er." I could feel the tension rising in my chest at the thought.

"I could just start and you can stop me if you feel uncomfortable."

"Er." His hands moved in. I held up one of mine, holding him off. "That's fine," I said, "I feel quite relaxed there already." My blush covered my entire body. I was uncool. I didn't care.

Massage completed in silence.

"How was it?" the lady by the pool asked me as I left.

"Yeah, good now that it's over," I mumbled.

Today's massage was nothing like that. In a beautiful day spa with black-and-white striped walls and a gentle sea breeze wafting gossamer white curtains from the door. Clear instructions about what to remove and when. The delicious sensation of hot stones in warm oil sliding across the skin. No suggestion that tension was held anywhere other than the regular neck/shoulders/ears.

I didn't want it to end.

{image: monkeyjewels/etsy}


  1. No way. I am no prude, but that would have sent me running for the hills!

  2. Unlike Lucy I am a prude and I think I would have to see a psychiatrist as a result of that horrid experience. Crikey! I am so glad you had a brilliant experience this time around. Professionalism is not at all a dirty word.

  3. @Cat - Strangely enough it didn't put me off massages, though I still spend a lot of time wondering just how much gear I need to take off.

    @Lucy - I would have run, but all that tension in my chest slowed me down... :-)


    I had a massage like that once - I was trying hard to relax but suddenly thought "one hand is...there, and the other is ...over there. WHERE'S HIS HEAD????" Couldn't get out fast enough.

    Uncool, but I stick to lady masseuses now.

  5. Hilarious! I'm wondering though whether that massage guy wasn't just trying his luck??? Never heard of a breast massage before!

  6. So glad this 'first' was better than your actual first. What a creepy dude? You certainly had a good rack in your time, but really? A boob massage? That's a new one. And, for the record, take it all off!

  7. ROFL "I feel quite relaxed there already."

    Don't listen to that wild Coo. Undies stay firmly in place. x

  8. Geez Louise! I would have run for the hills!

    Loving your blog and thank you for the lovely comment on mine!

  9. bah ha ha ha.

    pre wedding I had a somethingorother treatment that included putting some kind of plaster like stuff across my bust and up to my neck, you know, to firm up the area and make it glow.

    At the end the women asked if I wanted to keep the cast of my boobs. I laughed, said no way, a few years later and two children, maybe I should have kept it as a reminder of what I was!

  10. Oh my God. Massaging your boobs? No way in hell.

    What a total scammer that guy was. Who holds tension in their soft breast tissue? Keep walking bucko and just get rid of the knots in my shoulders thanks.

    I think I blushed for you, I felt like I was right there with you. Haha.

  11. OMG I'm sure I would have passed out! From all that tension, y'know.

  12. Ha ha ha, the ol' booby massage eh ? *wink wink, nudge nudge* I loooove a good massage but I think my appreciation has increased with age, much like a nice bottle of red. I haven't tried the hot stone massage yet, but I do have a birthday just around the corner..hmmmm...

  13. Ewwww! What a perve! Similar thing happened to me during my first time...went to some hippie retreat in the Blue Mountains for a massage, but I had a female therapist and she didn't try to massage my boobs...she tried a bit lower down! Yes! I was mortified. Moral of the story, avoid hippie retreats in the Blue Mountains and leave your undies ON...!

  14. What!!
    Oh gosh, one would assume especially in those days that a male massure would like men over women, but massage your breasts? That is absurd!! I'ven ever heard of that before. Actually i've never been "rolled over" during a massage unless i booked in a facial too, and they usually tell you to put your top back on and leave the room allowing you to do so.

    I have been pining for a hot stone massage, and a vichy shower. Ohhh day spa i hear you calling.
    Maybe for christmas?

  15. With some experience you have become more comfortable with the experience itself.

  16. Your post reminds me of that episode of Sex and the City where Samantha wants the "extra service" from the male masseuse and ends up getting him fired and then copping the wrath of her fellow health club women. Maybe the guy you had was up for a bit of extra service? I've had a few massages and I've never heard of needing my boobs done ... ewww, creepy!

  17. Oh my God! I can't believe he did that. I'm glad your most recent experience was relaxing. This all reminds me I am WAY overdue for one! (a normal massage...heh heh)

  18. How horrible. One already feels uncomfortable and keen to please in a new job, but to find yourself in this position is all kinds of yuck. I am blushing all over too just reading this.


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