Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Things no woman should see

There are things no woman should see. Things that, once seen, simply cannot be unseen. Things that, once seen, require action.

Things like the tops of the kitchen cupboards. Those very high ones. Wa-a-y up there out of sight. If you've never looked at the top surface of those cupboards, I suggest, very firmly, that you simply do not.

Today I looked upon the tops of my cupboards. Tonight I spent an hour perched precariously on the benchtops, clinging on by my fingernails, scrubbing away at the collected grime of, apparently, centuries of kitchen use. Dear God it was ugly.

My new kitchen arrives tomorrow. The contents of my old kitchen are currently reposing on the dining table. Actually, scrub that, on, under and around the dining table. I unearthed a chocolate-making kit that I never knew existed. The large stockpot that I was sure I had, but that had not been seen in living memory. Some really nice little bowls and things for entertaining - clearly we haven't been friendly enough in the Fibro.

And I will go to bed tonight knowing that the tops of my kitchen cupboards are white. It's a saintly kind of feeling, I have to admit.

So... dare I ask? What would you add to the list of Things No Woman Should See?


  1. Sure, I'll add one: a baby's crowning head. Everyone in delivery suite one thought I would want to see that. They were all running around with mirrors. I had to very sternly inform them I NEVER want to see anything like that. EVER. They didn't try it the next time, two years later, in delivery suite three. Someone must have made some notes on my chart.

  2. Your naked husband bending over to pick up his towel from the floor.
    Just leave it there, for heaven's sake! Spare me the hairy crack!
    BTW, put plastic wrap on your cupboard tops. You never have to clean them, just replace the wrap!
    And, if you do have to clean them, the best thing is bi-carb soda.

  3. OMG @TBG - you are a genius. I'm clingwrapping the entire kitchen tomorrow! And yes, the husband thing, most definitely.

  4. I've given a thought to possibly putting some shelf liner in our kitchen cabinets. I love the wood, but after 11 years, I'd like something pretty to look at when I open a kitchen cabinet!

  5. Al, if you are getting a new kitchen, why are you cleaning the old? Or are the cupboards staying? Confuzzled.

    The lady that lived in our house before us did the cling film thing on the tops of the cupboards so I have copied her...

    And talking of kitchens, we had a bad smell in ours - I finally found a blocked overflow at the bacl of the fridge. Pink milk. Enough said. Even typing that brings a little sick into my mouth. The site and stench of off milk down the back of the fridge should not exist. Hurl.

  6. Yes, cupboard carcasses (ugly word) are staying - new doors, benchtops, splashback etc. More a tart up than a whole new kitchen. Pink milk sounds disgusting...

  7. Insufficient Funds.
    Especially when you just "know" you have some funds.
    The embarrassment, when you try with another card.
    Mmmm. "Madam it seems that this is the case here too."

    Slinking away with murderous thoughts of "what the....."

  8. Things a woman should never see- The bathroom scales- if I ever see them again it will be too soon!

  9. We did the same with our kitchen. Bicarb and white vinegar did the trick.
    I would add to your list dirty venetian blinds and the tops of ceiling fans. In fact, I try not to look at anything higher than eye level, which in my case is anything above 5 ft.

  10. Along withe the top of kitchen cupboards - the floor under the fridge; nasty. (At least it can be tackled with a vaccuum cleaner!)

  11. Under the couch - when you have guests and the kids roll something under there.
    Hubby is under srtict instructions - never, not ever, move large pices of furniture in company please!!

  12. The upside of the ceiling fans and the back exterior of the toilet S Bend. Not good.

  13. thanks for the cling wrap tip.

    used band aids sitting on the edge of the bath tub.. Yuk.

  14. thankfully my cupboards don't have a top! they touch the ceiling. but i hate looking at the top of the fridge. i'm too short to clean up there frequently without standing on a chair so it disturbs me as to what lives up there.

  15. The inside of the sewer drain via Plumber Cam. Thanks Mr Plumber. Wretch. x

  16. Haha, this is awesome Allison! We moved into our place almost 2 years ago and not once, have I cleaned the tops of the kitchen cupboards. Disgraceful! I'm with you, there are certain things a woman should just never see... and what we don't see won't hurt us, right!? Hope you are loving that new kitchen of yours xo

  17. UGH I woould be terrified to see the tops of my cupboards right aout now!!

    Great post!

  18. Sorry you had to go through that incredibly gross experience! Good luck with the new kitchen!


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