Lumbering along like an elephant

"Hey-dee-hey-dee-ho, the great big elephant is sooo slow..."
These were the words that went round and round in my head as I endured watched Water for Elephants at Fibrotown's fabled cinema this evening. Two hours of Robert Pattinson attempting smouldering looks. Two hours of Reese Witherspoon looking like she wished she were somewhere else. Lots of shots of sunshine-tinged shots - Reese's blonde bob, Robert's three-day growth (looked stunning with a bit of golden light on it, trust me).

"Nelly the elephant packed her trunk and said goodbye to the circus..."
My mum always told me that if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. So I will say this: Robert Pattinson is a very handsome man (despite his red hair). I can see how he would play the undead hero of Twilight very well.

The elephant was lovely.

"The elephant sways from side to side, he's terribly big and terribly wide..."
Other than the movie, which suffered, much as elephants probably do, from being way too long and inflated by gratuitous sunlight shots, I enjoyed my opportunity to get out of the Fibro with friends. Seeing a bad movie with friends is much better than seeing a good movie with friends - much more opportunity for loud asides and rustling of choc-top wrappers at inopportune moments. The great thing about the Fibrotown cinema on a weeknight is that you can have loudly whispered discussions about whether or not its sequins or nipple showing through Reese's costume without disturbing a soul.

"One grey elephant balancing, step by step on a piece of string."
We tumbled out onto the footpath afterwards, wrapping ourselves in scarves and coats and hats, heading off to Fibrotown's one cocktail bar for a bracing reviver. Our consensus on the film was delivered within 30 seconds: The elephant was lovely.

Have you seen a, er, disappointing movie lately? Do tell.